Signs you're not an introvert
2013 was a year of many things: NSA enlightenment, Manti Teo's fake dead girlfriend, progressive Pope Francis, and twerking. But 2013 was also a year in which, for some reason, being an introvert became trendy. Judging by the incessant posting of links declaring introversion across the Facebook switchboards, I have A LOT of introverted friends. I have a theory for the self-diagnosed shy kids: I'm pretty sure you're not an introvert, you're just in your twenties and addicted to the internet.
"Now wait a minute, I hate going out and meeting people,and I really hate parties."
Well, that's because you're in you're not in college anymore. Meeting people was never an issue when you lived in a proximity to thousands of other students with whom you could corroborate on common interests like classes and sports. Now as an adult, you and your peers don't remember how to make friends with ease, therefore trying to impress others, or simply perpetuate a sense of amiability toward others, is exhausting. Of course you would rather sit at home and binge on hot pockets and House of Cards than go to happy hour with coworkers or to an acquaintance's housewarming party.
"I'm serious though, I would much rather stay in than leave the house."
Yeah? Me too; turns out the internet is more interesting than most of the people I know. Additionally, leaving the house typically means spending money, money I certainly don't have and the rest of you are probably trying to save. When 'experiencing' the world can be done from the comfort of one's own couch, the motivation to leave home is greatly diminished. All things you used to have to leave your home to do--ordering food, maintaining friendships, walking around (I really hope I'm not the only one who explores places using Google street view)-- you can now do on your iPad. Between online shopping and live streaming, who the heck doesn't want to stay in?
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| Stephanie, it's time to put a bra on... |
"Well, I also really enjoy doing things by myself."
Sigh. You're a pragmatist not an introvert. Nobody with a job has time to turn errands into a social exercise. Shop by yourself? You're an adult who no longer needs constant purchase approval from friends. You know who you are, you know what you like; no validation necessary. Even if you have the time, having company slows you down and you still have two more seasons of How I Met Your Mother to get through.
"I ignore my phone all the time."
Bullshit. You ignore your friends all the time. Your phone, however, is attached to your palm. I know this because all you fucking idiots keep sending me invitations to play candy crush. You're fooling no one.
"I hate people. I do."
If you truly hated people you wouldn't use facebook, instagram, or any form of social media whose sole purpose is to give you a constant feed of what other people are doing. You would rather play with your phone at parties than socialize because the internet is crack and, like I said, you don't remember how to be cool. You wear headphones in public not because you can't talk to strangers, but because you were raised in a world of media and need to be constantly stimulated. Also, you're probably afraid of being left alone with your own thoughts.
"Ok, but I definitely hate groups."
You probably just have figured out by now what you want in life and who you want to surround yourself with. Hanging out in groups runs the risk of engaging with someone who falls outside that inner circle and that is probably what doesn't appeal to you. I'm sort of just guessing on this one.
Now I'm not calling anyone a liar here. I just want to point out that enjoying alone time and being an introvert aren't necessarily the same thing.
Reality: you're in your twenties, broke, overworked, and sick of making new friends. I bet you still party hard every other week, but when you have free time prefer sit at home and be lazy. Instead of admitting that to yourself though, you'd rather credit your laziness to a personality disorder. Mmmhmm. That's what I thought.
