Lines and Whines

Last week I celebrated my 24th birthday.  It was a normal day packed with one hundred activities I was committed to, no time in which to do them, and sacrificing a real shower to make them all happen.  While in transit from NYC to New Jersey (because that's a normal thing) my brother called me to wish me a happy birthday and to kindly let me know that I'm running out of "good years."  This, of course, is in reference to my deep desire to be a trophy wife, and was sad but true reminder.

While half the population still mistakes me for a high school student, what they can't see behind the makeup and current fashion trends are the effects of six sleepless, agonizing years of architecture school.  The crow's feet at the corners and the bags below my eyes are clearly here to stay.  A ten hour night of sleep can't make those bad boys go away.  The stress wrinkles on my forehead are still pretty superficial and I'm hoping a jar of Rite Aid's finest face balm will prevent those from becoming any deeper for some time . While I'm, for the most part, accepting of this fate, I struggle with the other fact: I still have ACNE.  Who's sick idea of a joke is this?

"Give her the pimples of a 15 year old, but the creases of a 35er.  Yeah...that'll be hilarious."

I am doomed to spend the rest of my twenties in an ambiguous age window that will leave potential sugar daddies scratching their heads.  Moreover, this also seems harmful in a profession where, on one side of this spectrum, I have been treated disrespectfully because of my apparent age.  If the acne persists, it will probably, in conjunction with my downright delightful demeanor, overpower my skills and perpetuate the notion of the forever-intern.  Conversely, wrinkles won't help anything because WHO THE FUCK WANTS WRINKLES IN HER MID TWENTIES?

While I'm on the subject let me list the other ways in which architecture school has ruined my body, my relationships, and my general well-being.

- Vision: from spending so many hours looking at a computer screen or small print I now can't see anything outside of 8' of me clearly.  I just wave to everyone now.

- Rem sleep: when the hell is the last time I've had a full cycle?

- Skin: in addition to acne and wrinkles, I also have the beginnings of varicose veins from sitting with my legs crossed for so many hours. LUCKY ME

- Hygiene and Eating habits: hahahahaha I haven't had a routine schedule since 2008

- Social Skills: I do not know how to interact with anyone besides other architects/architecture students

- Everything Else: because i'm so freaking broke from paying for architecture school I can't resolve any of these other problems...so...great.

Fortunately, I'm in this with all the other knuckleheads who thought going to design school was a solid idea.

The good news is I probably won't end up with laugh lines.

She's back.

Friends, I've returned.  I know I have been absent for some time, but sadly I hardly have the time or energy to devote to bathing let alone to spell-check an angry rant about girls who pee on the seat.  Allow me to apologize for having other priorities.  Yet, here I am, ready to fill your summer with piss poor blogging that so many of you seem to enjoy.

Yes, Stephanie.  Insult your readers; that will keep them coming back.

Some topics to look forward to this season: traffic jams, Craigslist, catcalls, and probably some general drunkenness.

Stay Tuned.