Oh Long Johnson

Oh Long Johnson

I am a cat person.  I have been one since the second grade, unlike the many girls who have, in recent years, latched onto the confusing popularity of catladydom. When you grow up with one of those purring fur-balls, who on occasion is your only companion, you tend to feel compassion toward the whole species. However, many of the people I know who obsess over the feline population have an unhealthy attachment to these cats.  Yes, my Ebony's photo is my permanent wallpaper, but she has also been in my life for 17 years (not joking..she might be the cat from Hocus Pocus).  For the rest of you who can't claim such an enduring relationship, where does the fascination come from?  Sadly, I think most people like the idea of cats more than the actual animals.

As we all know, at least for the time being, it's hip to be hip.  We all want to carry our groceries in graphic tote bags, tuck our flannel into our high-waisted shorts, and throw back a few PBRs on our friends fire escape.  Few people, however, can pull off the sardonic air that most hipsters maintain with ease, so they resort to the superficial imitation of this subculture. If you think about it, cats are self-sufficient, seemingly contemplative, completely dismissive of nonsense, and don't give a fuck what people think. Sound familiar? If it doesn't, think about any bearded, Dave Eggers reading, bike riding person you know and see if the qualities align. A hipster's love for these creatures stems from the familiarity of a cat's disposition.  So while hipsters have justification for liking cats as much as they do,  a majority of the remaining "cat-lovers" just want to be perceived as one of these apathetic dirtballs.

While I am all for adopting and loving cats, I fear that this modern obsession is a trend.  Remember when going green was cool?  Everyone rushed out to by their environmentally friendly cleaning products and recycled shirts, used them for a few months, then gave up because sorting their trash was too much of a pain.  Understandably, cats are living things and cannot be so easily ignored, but when the hipster phase is over will people still care about these cuddly pets? Personally, I hope the kitties are here to stay .

Lastly, and on a slightly different note, if you think you are a catlady you are wrong.  You won't die alone; you will get married and probably not even own pets. So shut the fuck up and stop posting so many pictures of your ONE cat.  However if you, like me, have been told my friends and family that you will die alone, keep on posting, because these are the lasting memories you're going to fill your photo albums with some day.

Jones out.

Resting bitch face.