Groggy, I open my eyes to see exactly where outside of Pittsburgh we are. It is 6:30 in the morning and an unrecognizable strip mall sits to my right, and another unrecognizable string of fast food restaurants on my left. I text my mom then allow my head slowly roll back into it's sleeping position.
"YOU'S A THIEF!" someone shouts, jolting me back out of my already restless slumber. I peek out from under an eyelid to see what the commotion is. "You are a thief!" she yells again at the sleeping woman behind me. Rubbing her eyes, the accused grumbles something, "I don't know what you're talking about, can you maybe tell me instead of yelling?" Rhonda, we will call her, is not happy being awoken to a screaming woman standing over her seat.
"You stole my damn phone charger! Don't try to act all innocent when I know you have it," the troublemaker--we'll call her Angie--shrieks.
Rhonda rolls her eyes, "Lady, you are crazy. I don't have your phone charger. Why would I have your phone charger?"
Angie really wants to start shit before 7am: "I had my charger up there in the seat with my son and when we came back in from the rest stop it was gone. I came back here and I saw that you had it, and I didn't say nothing because I thought you was decent enough to give it back. But now I KNOW you stole it and I am going to call the authorities and have them search your stuff and then we'll see who is crazy!"
Now matching the volume of her opponent, "I ain't never had your phone charger you lying bitch. I borrowed this guy's charger the minute I got on the bus and gave it back to him before I even got off at the rest stop. So I KNOW you ain't talking about me because I didn't have any charger but his this whole ride!"
Sitting there quietly, I exchange glances with the guy across the aisle and watch his eyes widen as he realizes he is being thrown into the squabble. Remembering the events of the overnight journey, I know that Rhonda is telling the truth. I watched her take and return the charger to our neighbor, and I also know she only got up from her seat once. I was sleeping, yes, but Rhonda was no small woman and when she did stand up it required her to grab my seat to pull herself up. A light sleeper, I am certain that only happened once. However, I am not about to toss myself into the middle of their argument voluntarily. "YOU ARE LYING THIEF AND I'M GONNA PROVE IT. I'M GONNA CALL THE AUTHORITIES AND WHEN THEY GO THROUGH YOUR STUFF WE'RE GONNA KNOW. WE ALL GONNA KNOW. THEN YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR BACK BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO POUNCE. I'M ABOUT TO BRING BROOKLYN ALL THE WAY UP HERE."
Now Rhonda just can't help herself. "BITCH YOU AREN'T THE ONLY ONE FROM BROOKLYN. GO SIT YOUR ASS DOWN. I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU. I'LL EVEN GIVE YOU MY HOME ADDRESS. 5323 ______ ! YOU WON'T DO SHIT. CALL THE POLICE. I DIDN'T STEAL A DAMN THING FROM YOU AND YOU CAN CHECK YOURSELF!"
At this point, Rhonda convinces Angie to sit down and hands over her purse to be examined. Upon finding nothing, Angie demands her to stand up so she can check her pockets and the space around her. Despite searching every single piece of luggage and compartment that Rhonda has, Angie is still convinced she has stolen her phone charger and wants to check her purse a second time. While this woman is digging through her belongings, Rhonda makes an exciting recollection: "Wait a minute. You were sitting behind me before the rest stop? You were sitting behind me before the rest stop! When you got on this bus you told your son you didn't have your phone charger! You told him you forgot it at home. YOU PSYCHOTIC BITCH YOU NEVER EVEN HAD A PHONE CHARGER ON THIS BUS! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SEAT! IF YOU DON'T CALL THE POLICE I WILL. I'M FILING HARASSMENT CHARGES AGAINST YOU! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. ALL THIS SHIT OVER SOMETHING YOU NEVER EVEN HAD. I WOULD HAVE BOUGHT YOU A PHONE CHARGER. A $4 PHONE CHARGER? I WOULD HAVE FUUUHHHCKING BOUGHT YOU ONE IF I WOULD HAVE KNOWN WHAT KIND OF SHIT YOU WOULD START ON THIS BUS!"
Angie has already made her way back to her seat, and is yelling over the heads of twenty other passengers, struggling to come up with a story to comply with this new evidence. Meanwhile, the bus has been pulled over and the driver has finally come upstairs to see what the commotion is. Angie gets to tell her side of the story first and professes how she politely asked Rhonda if she had her phone charger and only started getting out of hand once she had been threatened. This, of course, infuriates Rhonda who stupidly won't stop yelling her protest. The yelling continues and threats become wilder and the driver decides to call the cops.
Less than thirty minutes away from home and aching from an eight hour bus ride, all the passengers are now awake and disgruntled, stuck in this hell that is the most absurd fight over a nonexistent phone charger that the world has ever seen. When the police arrive, both women (plus Angie's son) are asked to disembark. The only belonging Angie takes off the bus is a half drunk two liter of Mountain Dew.
Stuff like this happens to the rest of you, right?
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