You rock, Doc.

Yesterday I had my bi-annual check up, and although I left with three brand new prescriptions, an eight-page document summarizing my visit, and a puncture wound in my upper arm, it was overall a very pleasant experience.  Surprisingly, it always is.  I adore my physician and her staff who genuinely care about my health and making my problems manageable.  Like everyone, I've seen some of those women have bad days, but those ladies were on point yesterday!  Everyone was in great spirits (it also helps that I wasn't in a bitchy mood toward them) and every single interaction I had was as charming as the last.

Receptionist:  Good morning.  Stephanie?
Me: Yes that's me.  How are you today?
R: You know what?  I'm great.  But you're only the second appointment so this day could totally turn to shit still.
Me:  Well you know you do the booking?  You could truthfully schedule all the crappy patients on your off day...
R looks horrified for a moment and checks to see if anyone around her is listening.
R: As if I don't do that already.
R hands me paperwork and smiles

My wait is so short I don't even have time grow impatient and pull out my phone.

Nurse: Stephanie?
I follow her back onto the scales exchanging pleasantries.  She makes fun of my plain green coffee mug for some reason and leads me into the exam room.  The normal sequence of events follows: when was your last visit? which prescriptions need refilled? rolls the temperature-taking doodad across my forehead...then my phone starts vibrating form my jacket pocket
Nurse: Someone seems to be trying to get a hold of you.
Me:  Yeah do you mind if I answer?  My mom messaged me to see if I arrived on time and I told her I got into a fiery car crash on route 19.  She's not too happy so I should respond.
Nurse:  Wow. You are a huge jerk.
I laugh and respond to my mother while nurse is taking my blood pressure.
Nurse: 117 over 70.
Me: Is that ok?
Nurse:  For someone that's just been in a car crash I'd say it's pretty good.  I'm going to give you one of these lovely peach paper robes.  It will clash horribly with your hair color so maybe avoid snapchat.  The doctor is running a little behind, but should be in shortly.
I sit stunned and impressed as the door closes behind her.

This wait is a little longer, but I can hear Doc in the next room and sit patiently for about ten minutes or so.

Doc:  I'm so sorry for the delay.  You're in here with all the early birds...you know..the um...
Me: Old people?
Doc:  I didn't say anything.  So...how are you?  You're having a quarter-life crisis I see.
she points to my head
Me:  It's just this thing I'm doing while I'm unemployed.
Doc:  Well if this is it and you haven't gotten any tattoos or started taking heroine or sleeping with a hundred guys I guess I can't really be too upset.
Me:  Oh, you wanted to know about all that too?
Doc:  If you really want me to check under that robe then keep talking.

Then normal doctor patient chitchat.  She has been my physician now for about five or six years and is one of the most awesome people I've met, not only a fantastic doctor, but just an incredibly cool human who one time I asked to get beers.  It's not weird!  She's only, like, ten years older than me.  Ok maybe it's kind of weird?  Anyway, she declined by telling me I was one of her favorite patients and if she didn't have a then 5 year old daughter she needed to see on weekends she totally would hang out with me.  Thanks for letting me down gently.

So after I talked about my stomach pains and mouth bleeding, that are apparently, yes, still caused by stress, she began telling me about her family vacation to Disney World.  She asked me about boys.  I asked her if her daughter was still sassing her and told her to watch Will Ferrell's Dissing Your Dog.  While she is in the very dangerous position of checking my reflexes, she asks me to please not have children anytime soon.


Doc:  So you had a pap smear when you were here last year, so I don't really need to do one for another two years unless you want.  I mean, I know you'd love me to just pop up there, but maybe we'll wait?
Me:  Well, I was lying about the hundreds of men...so I don't know...I'm thinking about it.
Doc:  It's nice that you think you're the first person to make that request.
Me: Eww get the fuck out.
She laughs and shakes her head and now I don't know what to believe.
Doc:  Man...sorry that other appt. ran so late. I'm so behind I can't hang out. Normally she spends a whole lot longer shooting the shit with me (I think I really am one of her favorite patients).  I have a feeling we're going to have to change some things about your thyroid medication so you should come back in about 3 months though so we can follow up on the bloodwork and ultrasound.
Me: Cool. Thanks, dude.  I'll see you then.
She shakes her head at me while she leaves.

She runs out the door yelling apologies to a nurse down the hall and my same nurse saunters back in with my second dose of hep a vaccine.

Nurse: How are you with needles?
Me:  I don't invite them to my birthday parties, but we're generally ok.
She isn't amused this time.
Me: No seriously I'll be fine.
She seems uncertain and grabs me strongly by the arm.  This is a new technique.  She shoots me and fiddles with it, apparently going a little too deep she draws it back out some.  It hurts, but I sit still because I'm a grown ass woman.
Me: Can I ask why you're holding my arm like that?  Do you do that in case people jerk around?
Nurse:  No. It's so if you pass out I can grab you before you fall.  I don't do it for heavier people; I'm not trying to hurt myself. But you're little so I figured I could hold you up.
Me:  I see.
Nurse:  You can keep the robe if you like it.

kthanksbye

Liking the people who take care of you whom you are comfortable around can make a world of difference when it comes to healthcare.  I had many doctors for many years who I did not trust.  Not that I was such a sickly child that it mattered, but in my adult life there is a noticeable difference between the way I communicate with doctors and nurses now as opposed to then.  You may think it is just because I am "more mature", but I can say there is a large difference between maturity and trust.

I'll wrap this up by telling you about my last visit to the gynecologist.  Now, normally, my physician does a lot of the dirty work, but every once in a while it's still good to see a lady doctor specialist.  My mom, having worked as a medical professionals her entire life, knows about a million doctors in southwestern PA.  Only once or twice in my life have I been to a doctor that she doesn't know or wasn't referred to by a friend.  So, of course, I let her book me an appointment with a long-time obgyn friend of hers.  She schedules a slot for my sister and I and the three of us head out early one January morning.  Not until we are about ten minutes away does she tell us that we actually should remember this particular doctor because we lived in the same neighborhood as him growing up.  This, for some reason, makes me very uncomfortable, but I decide to suck it up and roll with the weirdness.  We arrive and my sister is called first.  She disappears before my mom can ask if she should go with her...because mothers. I then hold my cell phone to her head and tells her if she tries to come with me I'll slip her phone under her pillow while she's sleeping...because cell phones cause brain cancer...because mothers.  A few minutes later when I am called to go back, I become a little more relieved by the efficiency of the office.  Naturally, I feel like a jerk being called before all the pregnant women in the room, but they have appointments right?

When I get into the exam room the nurse hands me my robes and departs.  It's freezing in this room because it's an old building next to the river at 8am in January in the hills of Pennsylvania.  Now, I don't think I was moving particularly slowly considering the conditions, but as I am standing there, completely naked except for my socks, there is a knock on the door and in walks my doctor.
Me: Umm...Hey.
Doc: Oh gosh sorry!
and slams the door behind him.  While this was a strange start, he was honestly going to see those things anyway so I wasn't nearly as mortified as I could or should have been.  I quickly slip on my robe and call out to him that I'm dressed.  When he doesn't answer I open the door to see if anyone is in the hall and I realize I am now completely alone.  Freezing, I climb up on the exam table and wait.  And wait.  And wait some more.  I am so cold and my coat is just a few feet away, but stubbornly trying to prove my maturity I won't grab the coat which would make me look like a prude little sissy bitch in front of my mom's friend.

When he finally returns he apologized for walking in on me, but that it gave him the opportunity to go catch up with my mom.  So...when he accidentally saw me in the nude his first instinct was to go talk to my mom--that's cool.  The exam begins and he starts making awkward chitchat with me
Doc: So your mom tells me you're finishing up grad school at Columbia?  In New York?  For architecture?  That's great.
Me:  Yeah, I mean I enjoy it I...
Doc:  What kind of architecture do you want to do?
He's giving me a breast exam.
Me:  Uhh..well there aren't exactly specializations, but I'm definitely interested in mid to large scale institutional projec...
Doc: Uh oh.
Me: ...
Doc:  Oh ok nevermind.  Just a calcium deposit.  Nothing to worry about.
Me: You're sure?!
Doc: Yup. What were you saying?
Me: Umm...institutional projects.  I guess it will depend on where I start working after school.
He is directing me into the stirrups.
Doc: So you're going to stay in New York then?
Me: Yeah I...
He is now up in my vagina business with fingers, or tools, or who the hell knows.
Nurse (who until now has been completely silent): Oh, Doctor, I think those are really cold!
Me: It's fine.  Just a little warning next time?
Doc: My son is an industrial engineer in Long Island.  Do you remember him?
His head has now disappeared somewhere beneath my line of sight.
Doc: I think you only met him a time or two, but you two should get together.  I'll see if I can find his business card.  Are you close to Long Island?
He resurfaces.
Me: No not really, but if he travels into the city a lot we could meet up.
Doc: Oh I don't think he does that really...
Dives back under
Me: How are things looking your direction?  Everything...healthy? Normal?
Doc:  Looks great! Really nice!
Really nice?!
Doc: Nice and healthy.  Any questions or concerns?
Me:  Nope.

If I came in there with questions I had for sure forgotten them while he was trying to fix me up with his son while his hands were up my hoo-hah.

It was a very short visit and as soon as I was dressed he ended up meeting us all in the waiting room before we could leave to tell our mom what lovely girls she has and to gossip a little about the old neighborhood.  I am eyeballing my sister, desperately trying to find any indication that she, too, had a strange experience.  Eventually we say our thank-yous and goodbyes.  As soon as the door closes behind me I jump on my sister.
Me:  Tell me something stupid or weird happened to you.
Mom: What do you mean?!
Rachel: No...?
Me:  Like...nothing embarrassed you?  No one walked in on you while you were naked?
Mom: What the hell are you talking about?!
Me: Umm...
Mom:  Oh jeez what did you do?  Why did he come out and talk to me between your exams?  Stephanie, what did you do?!
Me:  NOTHING.
I relay everything to her.  Rachel, having had a completely normal exam, is laughing at me.
Mom: Please don't write about this on your blog.


As I said, there is a striking difference in relationships with doctors you trust and with doctors you only respect.  I am so grateful to have found a doctor with whom I don't feel strange or distant.  Is she the most incredible physician on earth?  I can't imagine she is, but a good fit is a good fit.